


Juno Steel and the Curious Cat Collar

by hopeless_eccentric



Series: (Free! That's right! Free!) Penumbra Commissions [20]
Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Canon Non-Binary Character, Cat Ruby 7, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, Modern AU, Nonbinary Juno Steel, Other, adopt black cats folks, doesnt make much of a difference but still that's not what matters, the CAT is what matters, the ruby 7 is a CAT
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:40:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27238963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopeless_eccentric/pseuds/hopeless_eccentric
Summary: Ruby was a very good cat. She liked to lay across faces and knead her paws into stomachs and climb on heads during the workday. Occasionally, she would knock over a plant or somehow, get stuck in a cupboard. However, she went about all her business with such an impermeable aura of good-cattedness that it was difficult to blame her for any of it.Juno couldn’t even be mad that a black rescue cat had been named Ruby on the assumption that she, like her mother, would be a fiery orange. He supposed her color didn’t matter much with her stretched across his eyes anyway.Free commission for opaldawn!!
Relationships: Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel
Series: (Free! That's right! Free!) Penumbra Commissions [20]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1921492
Comments: 24
Kudos: 78





	Juno Steel and the Curious Cat Collar

**Author's Note:**

  * For [opaldawn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/opaldawn/gifts).



> Hey all!! This one's pretty light so gird your loins for SO much cat fluff
> 
> Content warnings for food mention, implied sexual references

Ruby was a very good cat. She liked to lay across faces and knead her paws into stomachs and climb on heads during the workday. Occasionally, she would knock over a plant or somehow, get stuck in a cupboard. However, she went about all her business with such an impermeable aura of good-cattedness that it was difficult to blame her for any of it. 

Juno couldn’t even be mad that a black rescue cat had been named Ruby on the assumption that she, like her mother, would be a fiery orange. He supposed her color didn’t matter much with her stretched across his eyes anyway. 

“Nureyev,” Juno groaned from his furry tomb, deciding this was where he died if this cat didn’t find some motivation to move. “Come get your kid.” 

“Oh, so she’s my child when she’s misbehaving,” Nureyev pretended to huff from somewhere nearby, yet unseen.

Juno felt him shift on the mattress, as if rolling over. He knew for certain Nureyev had moved when he felt their usual good morning kiss transplanted down lower. Peter’s lips worshipped just under his jaw, a sigh fluttering in their stead when Nureyev pulled away. Juno didn’t need the furry space heater on his face for his cheeks to go red-iron hot. 

“Maybe seduce me once you’ve pried this furry little asshole off my head,” Juno huffed, though Ruby’s short coat revealed that he was smiling. 

“Oh, dearest,” Nureyev tutted. Juno felt him roll closer, only to gasp in offense when his hand bypassed Juno’s hair to scratch behind Ruby’s ears. “Did my cruel, cruel partner hurt your feelings, love?”

“Nureyev,” Juno groaned, though he was drowned out by a pointed meow.

“That’s right, dear heart,” Nureyev replied as if Ruby had something genuinely thoughtful to say in her vocalization. “Maybe once your mother apologizes I’ll take you off his head.”

Ruby meowed again, though it devolved into a friendly motorcycle of a purr when Nureyev’s long fingers scratched her neck just right.

“I’m not apologizing to the cat.”

“Juno,” Nureyev said sternly.

“Ruby,” Juno began in the exact same tone. “Your father has spoiled you rotten.”

Ruby meowed a little louder, nearly a yowl. Juno had known her long enough to know it meant that she merely wanted attention. He couldn’t help an affectionate laugh at her success. At times, he couldn’t help but wish he could communicate as easily as a cat, merely laying horizontally across Nureyev and yelling until he played with his hair. The thought was occasionally tempting.

“Juno!” Nureyev pretended to gasp. “You cad, how dare you speak to her in such a way.”

Juno couldn’t help a snort, seizing Ruby into his arms and flipping her around until he was half-upright against the headboard and she was cradled in his arms like a baby. She reminded him often of Nureyev in that at first, her eyes narrowed at being patronized in such a fashion. However, when Juno spared a finger to tap against her little black nose, she shuddered out an affectionate sneeze before beginning her friendly buzz once more.

“Who’s my favorite kitty?” Juno grinned, finger bobbing up and down as those big paws she had yet to grow into batted at his hand. “Easy with the claws, kiddo.” 

“And to think it took me a year to convince you,” Nureyev chuckled.

He had crossed the bed at some point, one arm wrapped around Juno’s shoulder, while his other hand busied itself in scratching the cat’s head. An unpracticed smile waltzed across his face, and with only a small amount of jealousy, Juno noted it was the same one he shared with him when he didn’t realize he had lost his gaze somewhere on Juno’s face. However, with that unadulterated joy on his face and a position like a father greeting his newborn child, Juno couldn’t help but laugh. 

“She’s a good cat, Nureyev,” Juno laughed. “Look at her little toe pads. That’s just good.”

“Are you off for the day?” Peter asked, words slurred by a yawn as his head fell upon Juno’s shoulder. 

“Yeah, just me and the baby for the day,” Juno smiled. “I’ll pirate The Lion King or something.”

“Beg pardon?”

Juno coughed. 

“So she can have—“ he broke off to swallow, the rest of his words coming out as a question. “Positive role models?”

“You’re adorable,” Nureyev grinned, though it faltered as he continued. “As much as I’d love to stay home and help you parent the kitten, I’m afraid I must away, my love.” 

Juno sighed.

“Can’t skip work for your wife and child?” He huffed.

“I’ll make it up to you tonight, darling,” Nureyev promised with a soft and cruelly brief kiss to the junction of his shoulder and neck. “I’ve got a surprise coming for you in the mail. Perhaps you might open it for me and send a few pictures.”

Juno quelled a shiver for the sake of the yawning kitten snuggling into his elbow. 

“Just not while she’s awake,” Juno whispered. “I feel guilty.” 

Nureyev chuckled, though the sound died away when his lips found better places to be and he pulled Juno into a kiss. 

“Have a nice day, darling,” he beamed. “And once you get that package, don’t keep me waiting.” 

“Shit,” Juno remembered aloud. “I’ve still gotta order her harness.”

Peter laughed, soft and sweet. Juno wished the sound would never end, for it sounded like warm beds and warm kittens and a chin tucked atop his head. However, like all things heaven-sent, it had to come to an end. At least it was replaced by a dazzling smile, sharp teeth seeming no fiercer than that of the snoozing housecat in his arms. 

“Don’t you worry about it, dear,” he assured. “I’ll have it taken care of.”

Nureyev’s promise proved to be a confusing one, for the package arrived with a picture of a lion on the label and hardly any more instructions. It seemed a little too big and a little too small all at once. The straps were thin and shiny with hardly any cushioning at all, with gaps a mile wide and too many holes to keep track of. Juno couldn’t be sure where the head was supposed to go, nor the limbs. 

Frankly, he had no idea how to get this harness on a kitten. 

Ruby, thankfully, had a patience uncharacteristic to her age. However, various nature documentaries could only keep her attention for so long before her purrs at Juno’s gentle scratches turned to hisses when he wrangled the straps around her tail once more. 

After what felt like hours of fighting the straps, Juno finally resigned. Half the holes had nowhere to go and he honestly had no idea how to get the ring he assumed was for a leash across the top of her back, but the both of them were far too tired at that point. 

Ruby was too cranky to let him take it off, so when he finally crashed on the couch, the tangle of cat and harness too crashed atop his breastbone in a reluctantly buzzing circle. As an olive branch, Juno didn’t make her move when he woke up, merely scratching behind her ears like Nureyev did until she bared her mighty little fangs and yawned with a squeak. 

“Hey, kiddo,” Juno found himself yawning in tandem. “I’m gonna have to send a picture to your dad and see what he thinks about the fit. Maybe he can do better.”

As if on cue, she stood up, stretching each leg one by one. Her left back leg seemed to be a particularly pleasant experience, for she twitched and shuddered through it in so fruitful a stretch it made Juno jealous. 

When she leapt down from the couch, Juno followed. He dug for his phone in his pocket, trying and failing at a few candid pictures at the tangle of fur and harness. Between the black straps and the cat’s dark fur, it was difficult to get her in a decent light. Eventually, bribing her with part of his sandwich did the trick, and she posed like a model on the kitchen counter while he snapped enough photos to send Nureyev a few different angles.

“Sorry to bother you at work,” Juno prefaced, though he was well aware he didn’t need to. “I think we need to send this harness back.”

Somewhere on the other side of the city, Peter Nureyev choked on his coffee, then, with flying thumbs, sent his response. 

“My dear, that wasn’t for the cat.”

**Author's Note:**

> i had so much fun writing this you guys have no idea
> 
> Make sure to SMASH that kudos button and leave a comment down below!!
> 
> Find me on tumblr @hopeless-eccentric or on twitter @withane22 !!


End file.
